I don't have anything against dating services - a coworker met his wife that way - but I doubt that match.com or plentyoffish.com would have put Hani and me together. We are diametrically opposed in many ways: I'm a tall nerd with the cold, mechanical heart of a robot and she's a short artist with an amazingly compassionate, kind soul. I once spent 17 and 1/2 consecutive hours in the school library studying; she once jumped out of an airplane. I'm logical to a fault and she's sympathetic to a fault.
Each of brings something to the relationship that the other needs. I can put emotions aside and make tough decisions based on logic, and Hani can make me put logic aside when the decision-making is finished. I need her to give me those things I don't have, and if I didn't have her I wouldn't be as complete a person.
Of course we're not so different that we don't identify with each other. We share common interests, likes, and dislikes, and that gives us opportunities to do things together that we both enjoy. But what makes us "compatible" is the fact that we can each do things we don't particularly enjoy but that the other does, and we can each enjoy it by virtue of making the other person happy.
Case in point: I find myself going to soppy movies about forbidden love between various magical creatures. I think during our next visit we'll be seeing "Bloody Horny: The Story of a Vampire That Loved a Unicorn". But regardless how many musclebound werewolves strip their shirts off in the rain, I enjoy taking Hani to the movies because it's fun and we can have fun together. We don't need to like the same movies for a night out at the multiplex to be a good time.
The thing is, that feature of our relationship - enjoying each other's company even while doing something we're not particularly into - isn't something that a dating service can predict. Sure, you can ask "would you take your significant other to a movie about lovestruck gnomes?" but that doesn't help establish compatibility. You have to have a good relationship first, and if it's solid, those things will come naturally. And if and when they come, that's what shows "true" love.
Now before I turn into Dr. Phil, let me say that I don't pretend to have some formula for true love, nor am I even able to define it. If you're looking for a description of love you'd be better off asking Hani; I'm an engineer! But I do know that Hani and I have a truly loving, "compatible" relationship, and that we will continue to love and compat. I'll go to her movies and she'll go to mine, and between the two of us we'll make it through anything.
I never liked Valentine's Day until I met Hani. To be honest, I still believe that it's an artificial holiday intended to boost Hallmark's first-quarter figures following the post-Christmas slump. But since Hani and I have been together, I don't care. It's an excuse to brag about my girl, take her out, and show off our relationship a little. We're behind on the going-out-and-showing-off, an unfortunate result of the physical distance between us, but I make up for it with the bragging! And like I told Hani, once we're together in person we have a lot of dates to go on.
I have the best girl in the world. I know you all are happy with your significant others, but seriously, Hani can't be beat. We fit together like it's meant to be and while we have our differences, they compliment each other. Even when things are stressful or we're struggling through a rocky patch, I'm happier with Hani than I've ever been before, ever. I can be myself around her and let her see the stupid side that I usually mask in robot-like stiffness.
My friends were surprised when we announced our engagement, and for good reason. At least one person said that he was shocked that I was the first in that particular circle of friends to get married (specifically, he said that he expected I would craft an electronic date out of spare computer parts!). Having never before been with someone about whom I felt that way, I can understand their reactions: Hani is the only person to pull me completely out of my shell and the only person I want to spend my life with.
And I do: I intend to spend the rest of my life with this girl.
It's Valentines day (in Malaysia anyway; another hour here in Florida) so I guess I have to offer some cupid-esque definition of true love. Log off your dating services and put aside your heart-shaped boxes of chocolate, because this is all you need!
True love is a love in which you can switch from passion to silliness and back without missing a beat:
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