The Moment, The One

alert - long post ahead. And a mushy one too. Don't say I didn't warn you.

you know, I'm really lucky. And I'm not just saying that to boost my ego...well maybe a little bit but I guess when it is actually the truth, I guess it doesn't really matter ;)

well, back to being lucky. I meant to say that I am very lucky because I have found the one. Sure I don't know what the future holds and how our marriage will turn out, but one thing I am sure of is that at the moment, we plan to spend our lives with each other. True that plan could change, but the thing with planning something is that we always plan to achieve a goal - regardless of how the plan may change, the goal does not. And I know I have Nathan's hand in mine...walking towards that goal together.

Most people grew out of their fondness of fairytale and happily ever after, thinking, or maybe trying hard to convince themselves that it doesn't exist. Well with divorce rates skyrocketing through the roof and more often than not we experience unfaithfulness, fairytale is rarely chanced upon. And believing in fairytale, I think is somewhat related to being optimistic about relationships and I can admit that it is tough to be optimistic and positive about relationship these days.

Because we are only human and we will always feel all sort of emotions - it's normal; love, sadness, suspicion. What important is that we know how to handle them the right way, even better when our partner sticks by our side through and through.

So I am lucky. Because Nathan has been by my side from the get go. We didn't have things easy. I had a lot of insecurities, heck I still have some if not all, but more then when we just started because there were tons of changes we had to adapt to.

The relationship started when I only had less than a week of physical time with him. Well I guess we knew we liked each other lots prior to that but we started calling it official after Nathan told me he loved me for the first time. It was probably the next most significant moment of my life so far after the night he proposed of course.

We were talking and mucking around and I think at some point he was tickling me. I told him I was gonna take my shower and he asked me to wait a little longer. I've developed this habit of counting the second each time he says "one sec, babe" so naturally I started counting. I think I got to like 6 or 7, and of course I counted in a joking manner when he put his finger on my lips, asked me to be quiet and like nanosecond after that he said "I love you"

Like when he proposed, I was pretty much tuned out to my surrounding after he said those words but as soon as I snapped out of it, I was happy beyond words could ever describe. But as soon as the love sunk in my head and in my heart, while I was happy about it, I was sad and insecure about us.

I was going back home because my trip was ending soon and not long after that, Nathan was moving to Florida to start his new life there.

I was scared of how committed he could be with us not having so much somewhat foundation to the relationship and I was scared that he'd find someone better in Florida - he was after all starting a new life, would be meeting new people and whatnot. And these insecurities showed of course.

We talked on the phone every time we had the chance to but if there was anything that I wish I did not have to go through, would be that first break between visits, between the 1st one when our relationship officially started and the 2nd. I guess we were going through what other couples go through after the initial courtship phase faded away, only we had to go through it differently. I am not sure whether it worked to our advantages or not, but I guess, looking at where we are now, I can honestly say that I'm glad things were the way they were. While I wish that i didn't have to go through that, in some weird ways, I am glad I did. I am glad we did.

I learned that if I have doubts about my trust in him, I definitely have more doubts trusting myself and the relationship. So like everything else, I had to fix myself first, and I believe when we try to fix ourselves first before trying to fix everything else, things would actually be ok on its own. And while the process of fixing myself wasn't easy and I am nowhere near perfect, I am glad I was lucky enough to have experienced all these things.

Like fairytale, to get to the happy ending is never easy. If there was dragon or poisonous apple or evil witch that they have to battle against in storybooks, in real life those things, in some ways, represent the many feelings and emotions we deal with. But of course, we go through it anyway, good or bad. And there's never a regret. And I am very very glad.

Because I believe every little thing plays a highly significant role in taking us where we are now; engaged and going to be married. And I don't have anyone else to thank other than Nathan. Because I am sure you know how crazy a girl could get when insecurities get the best of her. But he stuck by me through it all and I am very sure that he'll never let go.

Cos I am lucky to have found a guy who values love, relationship and faith as much as a good guy would and should. And he is a nice guy. I'm privileged to have seen a glimpse of the husband and the father he'd be when I spent my winter holiday with my future in laws. I'm so in love with my in laws. My future dad in law is the nicest father in law anyone could as for; he is supportive, caring, committed and funny as hell :) the exact traits I see in Nathan and I believe they will blossom more and more with time.

As clear as our blog title is, we do have a storybook love. And we are so fairytale that it makes people sick sometimes ;) In about 4 months, we'll be able to close the book with a happy ending, and will start a new one that will record our journey to a happily ever after.

And I am lucky. To have experienced the moment, when I realized I have found the one...every moment Nathan says "I love you".