I hate being in a long distance relationship. I love Nathan like crazy but I hate being apart. I know that it was my own choice, no one forced me and I certainly know that the distance is worth it. But at the same time I hate it.
I knew from the get go it would be tough hence the phone calls, skype, text msgs, visits during hols. We do everything we possibly can to make the distance bearable for the both of us.
Until last night.
I could not get a hold of Nathan for 4 straight hours. I called again and again without fail, sent txt msgs and I got no response. After the first hour I was already crying and freaking out and had no idea what to do. I finally called my dad-in-law and told him that I couldn't get through to Nathan's phone. What had me worried sick was the fact that he told me he wasn't feeling well.
What if something had happened? How would I know? Who would tell me? He just moved to St. Pete and spent most of his days in the office - no neighbours, no friends yet that I could call so they could help to check on him.
I was scared, crying while trying to get through to his phone. I didn't remember what happened next but I guess I fell asleep while juggling the above 3. The next thing I knew was that he called me on skype, I picked up and he said his phone was having reception problem.
And I was worried for nothing?
Don't get me wrong, of course I'm glad that he's ok and nothing bad has happened but I hated what I had to go through last night. The worst thing is that I'm upset but I don't know at what or for what reason.
All I could think about last night was the thought of losing my fiance and having to go through life without him by my side. I honestly cannot imagine that. My whole body hasn't really stopped shivering every 5 mins - I tried to do work and settle some wedding details, just to get my mind away from things.
It doesn't work. If I could, I just wanna go ahead and marry him as soon as I can, no fancy reception or whatever and be where ever he is. and yes, even if I have to quit my job there and then.
I'm sorry if some of you think I'm losing my mind by thinking that I'm throwing my life here away - job, security. But I don't think I can ever forgive myself if something happens to Nathan and I am not there. I might regret quitting my job and giving up the kind of security with living here, but I don't ever want to have regrets when it comes to Nathan.
I'm sorry that I am such a wreck - I really don't expect you to understand.
I knew from the get go it would be tough hence the phone calls, skype, text msgs, visits during hols. We do everything we possibly can to make the distance bearable for the both of us.
Until last night.
I could not get a hold of Nathan for 4 straight hours. I called again and again without fail, sent txt msgs and I got no response. After the first hour I was already crying and freaking out and had no idea what to do. I finally called my dad-in-law and told him that I couldn't get through to Nathan's phone. What had me worried sick was the fact that he told me he wasn't feeling well.
What if something had happened? How would I know? Who would tell me? He just moved to St. Pete and spent most of his days in the office - no neighbours, no friends yet that I could call so they could help to check on him.
I was scared, crying while trying to get through to his phone. I didn't remember what happened next but I guess I fell asleep while juggling the above 3. The next thing I knew was that he called me on skype, I picked up and he said his phone was having reception problem.
And I was worried for nothing?
Don't get me wrong, of course I'm glad that he's ok and nothing bad has happened but I hated what I had to go through last night. The worst thing is that I'm upset but I don't know at what or for what reason.
All I could think about last night was the thought of losing my fiance and having to go through life without him by my side. I honestly cannot imagine that. My whole body hasn't really stopped shivering every 5 mins - I tried to do work and settle some wedding details, just to get my mind away from things.
It doesn't work. If I could, I just wanna go ahead and marry him as soon as I can, no fancy reception or whatever and be where ever he is. and yes, even if I have to quit my job there and then.
I'm sorry if some of you think I'm losing my mind by thinking that I'm throwing my life here away - job, security. But I don't think I can ever forgive myself if something happens to Nathan and I am not there. I might regret quitting my job and giving up the kind of security with living here, but I don't ever want to have regrets when it comes to Nathan.
I'm sorry that I am such a wreck - I really don't expect you to understand.
1 chirped:
awww so sweet. i honestly thought of the same thing after going through ups and downs, lets get hitched right now hunh! haha.
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